Millennium Dungeon
by Kaazoo
Summary: The cast of Yu-Gi-Oh decides to play Dungeons and Dragons, and in typical Yu-Gi-Oh fasion, madness abounds. (Y x T) (YY x SK) (J x M) (Marik x Ryou), for comedic reasons, (Malik x Bakura)slight (D x T) Chapter four up, the Quest begins!
1. In which the story begins

Millennium Dungeon  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Warnings: This is a joint fic, so madness abound, complete insanity, and a Sarcastic! Yami.  
  
Enjoy!  
  
Tea walked up to the Kame game shop, glancing at her watch. 'Oh great, she thought impatiently. 'It's already 7:50, Yugi better be ready to go for once.'  
  
"Why hello Tea! How are you this morning?" Yugi's Grandpa asked her, looking up from his sweeping.  
  
"Um, just fine thanks-is Yugi ready?"  
  
"He should be down in just a minute. Yugi! Tea's here!" he called up into the house.  
  
Up in his room, Yugi was hurriedly throwing on his shirt. The ancient spirit who inhabited the puzzle, also known as Yami, was sitting on the bed, in his semi-transparent form, so he couldn't really be sitting on the bed, but let's not go there. "Just a minute, I'll be down in a second! I have to finish getting dressed!" he paused for a second. "I hope Tea didn't hear that," he said mostly to himself, but that included the spirit 'sitting' on the bed. Yami gestured to a pile of forgotten bracelets on the bedside table.  
  
"You should wear those, to look cool for Tea." Yugi blushed and reached for the bracelets.  
  
"We're not going to have this conversation again, are we?" he asked.  
  
"We don't have to."  
  
"Yugi, school starts in five minutes!" Tea shouted up the stairs. "I'm coming up there!"  
  
"I'm sorry Tea! I'll be down in just a second." Yugi called back as he started out the door.  
  
"Wait Yugi, you need to find your pants!" Yami called after him.  
  
"What?" Yugi panicked, before he looked down at himself. He then turned and glared at Yami. The spirit just shrugged innocently, and disappeared as Tea opened the door.  
  
"Come on, grab your stuff, we have to get going!" she urged him.  
  
"Sorry Tea," he said, as he scooped his backpack from the floor and threw it over his shoulders as he hurried out the door after his friend.  
  
"Bye Grandpa! I'll see you after school!"  
  
One the way to school, they passed the Black Crown game shop, and they noticed there was a shiny new poster in the window.  
"Wow Tea, look! A Dungeons and Dragons tournament on Saturday! Dungeons and Dragons is the new big thing to hit Japan, it seems to be popular with all of Domino! No wonder that there's going to be a tournament. You want to come with me on Saturday?"  
  
//So, finally asking her out on a date, are you?//  
  
/You shut up...... and stop smirking at me! It's not a date!/  
  
//Uh huh. Whatever, Yugi//  
  
"Yugi, did you hear me?"  
  
"No, sorry Tea, what did you say?"  
  
"I said that I already signed up for the tournament. I've been playing D&D since it came out! I'm a level four Cleric."  
  
"Wow Tea, you're really good! I'm only at level three!"  
  
"Cool! We should be in a party together on Saturday!"  
  
"Sounds like a great idea!"  
  
"We could even invite Joey and Tristan to play too!"  
  
"Do they play?"  
  
"Yeah. We played together a little while ago."  
  
"Why wasn't I invited?"  
  
//Tear, tear.//  
  
/You shut up./  
  
//Make me.//  
  
/Fine./ With that, Yugi retreated to his soul room, forcing Yami to take control of the body.  
  
//Brat.//  
  
/Nyah./  
  
"Umm, hi Tea."  
"Yugi stop- oh, it's you Yami. Why are you here?"  
  
"I could leave."  
  
"No! That's fine, I was just wondering."  
  
"We have to get to school; otherwise you and Yugi will be late."  
  
"Oh crap! We only have two minutes to get there!"  
  
"Run fast." With that they both took off running towards Domino High.  
  
After School  
(Don't you hate it when people do this?)  
  
Tristan pumped his fist in the air happily. "Hooray for weekends!" Yugi looked up at his taller friend.  
  
"That reminds me, Tea and I are going to the Dungeons and Dragons tournament tomorrow. She said you and Joey play! You want to come?"  
  
"Oh no Yug', we wouldn't want to interfere with your date with Tea."  
  
"It's not a date!!!!"  
  
"In that case, I'll be there! I want to show you the power of my ultimate half-orc!" At that moment, Tea ran up to the three boys.  
  
"You play a half-orc? Yuck. Not much difference though."  
  
"Yeah, well I bet my character could beat up your wimpy cleric! He's ultra strong!"  
  
"Yeah well, strength's the only thing you've got going for ya'." Joey teased, elbowing Tristan in the gut. "Kerrick's got brains and brawn!"  
  
"Wow sound's like your D&D character's smarter than you are!"  
  
"Take that back, Tristan!"  
  
"Well, what class do you play Tristan?" Yugi asked innocently, not wanting their little bicker to go any further.  
  
"I'm a barbarian!"  
  
"How about you Joey, what do you play?" Yugi asked the blond.  
  
"I'm a barbarian too!"  
  
"Wow, it's the bath rug all over again." Came a voice from behind them. The group turned and found themselves facing Mai Valentine. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help but over hear your conversation. Are you guys going to the tournament tomorrow?"  
  
"Sure are! Do you play too?"  
  
"Yeah, and I bet I'm way better than all of you."  
  
"What do you play as?" Tristan asked, cutting Joey off before he could put his foot in his mouth.  
  
"Not a half-orc barbarian, I can tell you that."  
  
"What's wrong with a half-orc barbarian? They're the most powerful characters in the game!"  
  
"I don't know Tristan, spell casters are pretty powerful! I play a sorcerer myself!" Yugi chimed in.  
  
"You should join our party Mai, we could do with some more brains." Tea said.  
  
"No, I'm more of loner, my self. But I'll be glad to kill your pathetic party."  
  
"Last chance for greatness, Mai."  
  
"I think I'll pass. Being in a party with you is hardly what I'd call great."  
  
"Take that back!"  
  
"Let's not argue now, I think we should work together!"  
  
"No thanks, but I'll see you at the tournament anyway. Good luck. You're gonna need it. Anyway, I have to go. I have somewhere more important to be." She said as she turned and left.  
  
"Well that was nice." Yugi said.  
  
//Aren't you glad Tea isn't like that?//  
  
/Shut up./  
  
"See you tomorrow at the tournament Yug."  
  
"Yeah, later you two. I'm going to make sure Joey doesn't get lost." Joey socked Tristan.  
  
"You just want an excuse to hit on my sister!"  
  
"Ow! I do not....not really.....er, I meant......"  
  
"Whatever, Tristan."  
  
"See you two!" Yugi waved.  
  
"Do you want me to walk you home, Yugi?"  
  
"S-sure Tea!" They turned a corner, heading towards the Kame Game shop. Grandpa saw the two of them and waved.  
  
"Yugi, I got a new shipment in this morning. Could you help me unload it?"  
  
"Sure Grandpa. Good-bye Tea!"  
  
"See you tomorrow, Yugi."  
  
//Parting is such sweet sorrow.//  
  
/I loathe the day I gave you that book. And stop smirking at me!/  
  
//I'm not smirking.//  
  
"Yugi, are you going to stand there all day?"  
  
"No, I'm sorry. I'll go unload the stuff right away."  
  
"I heard about a Dungeons and Dragons tournament this weekend. There's some dice in the shipment. Why don't you take some for you and your friends and enter?"  
  
"Thanks Grandpa!" With that, Yugi ran inside to hunt for the dice.  
  
The Next Day  
  
(Don't you hate us?)  
  
Duke Devlin threw open the doors to his shop. "You may now-" and was cut off when he was trampled by the hoard of D&D fans. Yugi stopped to help Duke up.  
  
"Thanks – cough – owww."  
  
"Wow, these people are really exited. Who knew that there would be so many Dungeons and Dragons fans in Domino." Before the two could enter the shop, a limo drove up and out stepped Seto Kaiba, multibillionaire and game fan extraordinaire.  
  
/Look, Yami! Kaiba's here! You'll have another chance to beat him!/  
  
//Sorry, what did you say? I wasn't paying attention.//  
  
/I said Kaiba's here./ .  
//I know.//  
  
/But I thought you said you weren't paying attention./  
  
//I wasn't.//  
  
/You're impossible. Let's go inside, I'm sure the others are hear already./  
  
//Sure, fine, whatever.//  
  
/Did you sleep ok, Yami? You don't seem yourself./  
  
//Let's just go register.//  
  
"What took you so long Yug? We already registered everyone in our party and everything. Let's go get a table before they're all gone!"  
  
"Thanks Joey. Oh, I almost forgot, Grandpa let me have these dice to give to everyone."  
  
"Oh tell your old man thanks. Now let's go! I want to show you how great a half-orc barbarian can be!"  
  
"About as great as a tomato."  
  
"I like tomatoes!"  
  
"You would, Joey."  
  
"Alright everyone, settle down! I need to announce the rules!" Duke cried above the noise inside the game shop. "First, you need to be in a party of at least three. Second, my assistants and myself will be acting as Dungeon Masters for your parties. What we say, goes. Third, you cannot use dice you brought from home, you have to buy them here, so we can be sure that you didn't weight them or something. A pack of D&D dice cost 995 yen. They can be found on these shelves, these shelves, and there's a room in the back."  
  
"Can we just get to playing? What are we doing, exactly?" Someone cried.  
  
"And what are the rules of the tournament, does it work any different than normal D&D?" Tristan yelled.  
  
"I have designed a special world with a large number of dungeons. There is an special item hidden in one of the dungeons somewhere on this world. The first party to find it, wins. If the item is not found, we will resume again next Saturday and every Saturday after that until the item is found. Parties are not required to return for additional Saturdays unless they want to."  
  
"Wait a minute, Devlin! Just how big is this world of yours anyway?" Joey yelled.  
  
"Really, really, really, really, really big! Mwuahahaha!" Duke rubbed his hands together and grinned madly. "Let the games begin!"  
  
The group sat down at a table with a large map spread over it. They placed their figurines on the dungeon they wished to explore first. Suddenly, they heard an argument from the next table over.  
  
"I don't want to be in a party, I can do this by myself!"  
  
"Sorry babe, but the rules say you have to be in a party." With that, Mai stomped over and sat down next to Joey.  
  
"I guess I'm in your party, then."  
  
"That's great Mai! Now we'll have a really strong party!" Yugi said.  
  
"Fine, just don't get in my way."  
  
"But Mai, we're a party, we have to work together!"  
  
"Good luck in the tournament, Yugi." Came a cold voice from behind him. The group turned to find Seto Kaiba and Mokuba, the latter of which was carrying a large suitcase.  
  
"We'll beat you this time Kaiba, I swear we will!" Joey shouted.  
  
"How could a whiney dog like you ever have a chance of defeating me in dungeons and dragons? I've been playing it for years. I'm probably the best player here." He glared at them, before turning and sitting down at his own table with Mokuba.  
  
The door than swung open, and in walked Malik and Bakura. But our heroes didn't know that this was not there dear friend Ryou Bakura, but was instead the evil spirit of the ring, who had spent a long time getting his 'batwings' to lie flat.  
  
"What are you doing here, Malik?" Yugi asked the boy.  
  
"Ishizu has a new exhibit in town. Ba – Ryou told me about this D&D tournament, so we decided to come. Mind if we sit with you?" Joey and Mai both glared at Malik with contempt before making a lot of room for the two. But before they could sit down, Duke stomped over.  
  
"They need more people at that table over there. You two!" He grabbed Malik and Bakura by the collars and dragged them over to Kaiba's table. The two waved good-bye before sitting next to Mokuba.  
  
Duke wandered over to Yugi's table. He stood on it, raised a gong, and struck it with a mallet. "Places everyone! Let the games begin!"  
  
"Again." Tristan said, rolling his eyes. Duke glared at Tristan, but held his gaze a moment too long to look angry.  
  
At our heroes' table, there was a party of five.  
  
Nebin: Level three Gnome Sorcerer, played by Yugi.  
  
Kerrick: Level five Human Barbarian, played by Joey.  
  
Dench: Level four Half-orc Barbarian, played by Tristan.  
  
Lelenia Holimion: Level four Elven Cleric, played by Tea.  
  
Keriann: Level seven Human Fighter, played by Mai.  
  
At the next table over, there was a party of four.  
  
Malhavoc Shadowlord: Level eight Elven Dragon-Rider, played by Seto.  
  
Ollom Hammersong: Level two Dwarven Fighter, played by Mokuba.  
  
Thaleles Darkshine: Level eight Elven Shadow-dancer, played by Malik.  
  
Akifia: Level eight Elven Rogue, played by 'Ryou' Bakura.  
  
Elsewhere in Domino  
  
Rishid was strolling along, feeding the pigeons and whistling 'It's a Small World.' Suddenly, a car swerved and hit him just to make the music stop.  
  
Back at the Black Crown  
  
Malik's eyes went wide, and he slumped over in a dead feint. Bakura merely glanced at him, before going back to rigging his dice. Suddenly, Malik sat straight up, taller now because of his hair.  
  
"I'm free at last! Take that Yami!" Marik cackled insanely.  
  
"You might want to take the cape off." Bakura suggested, not looking up from his dice. Marik, ignoring Bakura, jumped up on the table.  
  
"I will take my revenge in the Shadow Realm!" The door to the Shadow Realm opened over our heroes (and Kaiba's table).  
  
"What the - ?" Duke yelled, looking up from the dungeon he was mastering. Yugi dropped his d20, and disappeared along with all the other heroes (and Kaiba's table). Yugi's abandoned dice rolled along the table, but only Duke was there to see the result.  
  
Author's Note 1: Sarcastic! Yami was my fault! All mine! She {points at co- author} was the one who kept everyone in character. Thank her. I was too busy laughing to do that well...  
  
Author's Note 2: How come I'm #2? Oh well. Errrrrrr... Read and Review?  
  
# 1: Please! 


	2. Which follows chapter one

Millennium Dungeon  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Yami opened his eyes and found him-self face-to-face with a farmer armed with a pitchfork.  
  
"Gah!"  
  
"Oh brave adventurer at last you have awakened. Are you here to save our beautiful and humble town?"  
  
"Adventurer? Town? Where am I?" Yami asked groggily, looking around. He was in the middle of a field of corn, too tall for him to see anything else.  
  
"Hurry! The monsters are attacking the town!" And with that, the farmer dragged Yami off by the arm.  
  
"Monsters? You mean like Duel Monsters? That's easy! I'll just get out my deck and-" Yami broke off to reach for his deck and do some fancy card work, only to find that instead of his deck there was a sword. "My deck! Where's my deck? And what is this?" He yelled, waving his sword around madly.  
  
"Oh great." The farmer sighed, before turning to someone Yami couldn't see. "This one's a loony! Have you found anymore?"  
  
"Sure have! Look at this one!" another farmer said as he came into the small clearing.  
  
"Seto! Big brother! Put me down!" Mokuba squirmed in the other farmer's clutches.  
  
  
  
Speaking of Seto....  
  
Our handsome billionaire had woken up to find a girl sobbing on his chest.  
  
"Please Master, come back to me! You can't leave me like this! Wake up!" The girl sobbed.  
  
"Get off of me, you mangy peasant girl." Seto snapped, sitting up and pushing her off. The girl's eyes teared up even more.  
  
"You're alive!" She hugged him, but pulled away before Seto could shove her off. "But peasant girl? After all we've been through? How could you say such a thing?" With that, she turned into a massive Silver Dragon. Unfortunately, she was still crying, and her tears were about the size of Seto's head. Seto gasped and drew back.  
  
"You're a dragon?"  
  
"You don't remember me? You hatched me and raised me from an egg! You named me when I was a tiny wrymling! After all we've been through!" she sobbed harder.  
  
"I'm sorry, I must have missed something here."  
  
"I know what must have happened! That last evil wizard we fought must have hit you with a spell that didn't take affect until a short time ago. And that's why you fell off, and why you don't remember me!"  
  
"I didn't fall off of anything! What are you talking about?" The Dragon reached down and clutched Seto to her chest.  
  
"Even if you don't remember me, you're still my Malhavoc!"  
  
"Malhavoc? My name is Seto Kaiba; I'm CEO and owner of a multibillion- dollar corporation. Wait a minute, Malhavoc, I know that name!"  
  
"Of course you do, it's yours! Do you remember my name?"  
  
"Wait a minute, I'm – you're Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix!"  
  
"You remember me!"  
  
"No, I don't. That's the name of my dragon in D&D."  
  
"What are you talking about? How could you forget me?"  
  
"I couldn't forget you because you don't exist!"  
  
"What a cruel thing to say Master, to your precious Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix!"  
  
"You're not my precious Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix and I'm not your precious Malhavoc! I can't stay here any longer! I need to find Mokuba and get out of here!"  
  
"Well, I can help."  
  
Meanwhile, back in our favorite cornfield...  
  
"Mokuba! Is that you?" Yami asked, trying to see how this short, stalking little man with a beard could ever look like Mokuba.  
  
"Of course it's me! Have you gone blind Yugi?"  
  
"No, I haven't. I was having trouble recognizing you behind that beard."  
  
"I have a beard?" Mokuba looked down a shrieked. "I have a beard!"  
  
"Of course you have a beard, you're a dwarf aren't you?" One of the farmers snapped irritably. "Now that you've had your happy little reunion, go save our town!"  
  
"Maybe they're under the curse of an evil sorcerer! That's why they can't remember who they are, where they are, and if they're in the same party." The other one shrieked.  
  
"But I wasn't in Yugi's party, I was with Seto, Ryou and Malik! But Malik got kind of weird." Mokuba said.  
  
"Of course! He must have taken us to the Shadow Realm after that!"  
  
"The Shadow what?" The first farmer said.  
  
"Maybe they're not good adventurers after all, Jeb."  
  
"I bet they actually are under some kind spell! We should get them some healing herbs from the Apothecary!"  
  
"But what about our town?" A cheer was heard from the direction of the town.  
  
"We're saved!" The townsfolk cried.  
  
"I wonder what brave adventurer did that?"  
  
"Let's go see!" So off the farmers went, dragging Yami and Mokuba, Yami by his arm and Mokuba by his beard.  
  
"Er, ok." Yami said, while being dragged.  
  
As they came into town, they saw a human barbarian standing atop a small pile of monsters, flexing his muscles.  
  
"Joey?!" Yami exclaimed.  
  
"Ah, hi Yug! I was just taking care of some business." Joey waved.  
  
"Hail might adventurer!" The townsfolk cried. "What can you do for you, oh brave adventurer. Is there anything you want? Money? Food? Women? To be King? May we lick your shoes, mighty adventurer?"  
  
"Kind of makes you sick, doesn't it?" Mokuba said under his breath.  
  
The townsfolk lifted Joey on to a throne and proceeded to carry him about the town, while servant girls fanned him with palm leaves.  
  
"Ahh, this is the life." Joey sighed. One of the monsters, an ugly, tree-like thing, climbed its way to the top of the pile of its dead comrades and proceeded to violently curse at Joey in Sylvan.  
  
"Damn you and all your descendents!" The tree-thing swore in a high pitched voice.  
  
"That thing is talking!" Yami said, horrified.  
  
"No it's not." Mokuba looked at him. Meanwhile, the townsfolk were panicking.  
  
"He's a demon! He speaks to them!" they cried.  
  
"I vant to suck you blood, vah!" The creature shrieked as it jumped in the air, heading straight for Yami's throat. As it neared, Yami panicked and his reflexes took over. His drew his sword, and slashed the creature in half. He was sprayed with sap like blood as the creature fell to the ground.  
  
"Our hero!" The townsfolk cried, as they dumped Joey off the throne and replaced him with Yami.  
  
"Hail might adventurer!" The townsfolk cried. "What can you do for you, oh brave adventurer. Is there anything you want? Money? Food? Women? To be King? May we lick your shoes, mighty adventurer?"  
  
"These townsfolk sure cry a lot, huh Joey?"  
  
"My adoring fans! Come back to me!" Just then, a shadow fell across the town. The townsfolk held Yami over their heads.  
  
"Save us from the impending doom, oh mighty adventurer!" Yami found him-self face-to-face with a large dragon. Its crested head gleamed silver in the sunlight. And blue eyes shone from beneath the horned brow. Yami shrieked and tried to scramble out of his throne, which was being held towards the dragon.  
  
It landed majestically, and folded its wings to reveal a rider. Seto Kaiba slid off its back in a well-practiced manner.  
  
"This isn't like you Yugi, cowering in the face of a simple dragon."  
  
"I wasn't cowering! And how did you get a dragon? Why are you here?"  
  
"I am here to collect Mokuba."  
  
"Big brother! You're here, you're here!" Mokuba ran towards Kaiba, but tripped over his heavy armor and fell on his face. As he got to his feet, Kaiba walked forwards and grabbed Mokuba's beard.  
  
"You have a beard." With that, he unsheathed his sword and proceeded to 'shave' Mokuba.  
  
"My beard!" Mokuba squeaked. Kaiba threw the beard as far away as he could.  
  
"You're coming with me." Kaiba told Mokuba, before dragging him off towards the dragon.  
  
"But Master," Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix said, "I thought you hated dwarves!"  
  
"Whatever I used to be, I'm not anymore! So give it up and get ready to go. We're leaving."  
  
"What gives you the right to come in here, scare Yugi, grab Mokuba, shave him, and then ride off on your fancy dragon?" Joey yelled at the retreating billionaire.  
  
"Wait a minute Kaiba, you can't just fly off like this! We're all here for a reason. I think this is some sort of game. We just need to find the end of it." Yami said.  
  
"I don't need you!"  
  
"That's what you always say, and how many times has Yugi saved your life?"  
  
"No one asked your opinion, you Chihuahua."  
  
"Oh yeah? You want to fight, huh, huh? I could kick your dragon riding a$$ any day!"  
  
"Wait," Mokuba broke in, "Dragon-rider, dragon, rider. Pointy ear, elf. Beard, dwarf, axe. Mutt, nothing new. We're in D&D!"  
  
"Very good Mokuba," Kaiba patted his little brother on the head. "It would seem that we are in some psychopath's campaign, and that we are all our D&D characters."  
  
"Does that mean we're in a party together?"  
  
"I hope not."  
  
"So do I – Hey!"  
  
"I wonder if everyone else is here too!" Yami interrupted the two.  
  
What about our female compatriots?  
  
Tea sat up and rubber her eyes. "Oh my head hurts." She moaned. Then she rolled over and found herself face-to-back with Mai Valentine. "Oh my God, Mai! Are you alive!" She poked her in the back. Mai moaned and sat up suddenly.  
  
"What on earth am I wearing! There is absolutely no appeal in leather!" Tea sweat-dropped.  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
"I have no idea. But look, there's an Apothecary, we can go ask for directions."  
  
"Oh, an Apothecary, sounds friendly enough." A pause. "What's an Apothecary?"  
  
"Er, I guess we can ask that too."  
  
What of Yugi and Tristan?  
  
Yugi woke up, and found him-self sitting in the middle of a large crowd, which was jeering at a half-orc. The half-orc was wailing.  
  
"Wait! What are you doing to me?! I don't want to die, don't lynch me!"  
  
"That voice sounds oddly familiar." Yugi thought, "Wait a minute...Tristan!"  
  
"Huh? Yugi! What are you doing here? Where are you?" Yugi stood up, but he still couldn't be seen because he was so short. A masked executioner stepped forward, and two large men came forward holding big drums. After a pause, they started to play a melancholy tune fit for the occasion.  
  
"I'll save you Tristan!" Yugi cried, and tried to contact Yami.  
  
/Yami? Do you have any good Dark Games for the occasion?/ A pause. /Yami? Yami? Are you there Yami? This is no time to be sleeping!/ Dead silence. Yugi glanced down anxiously.  
  
"My puzzle! It's gone!" Yugi fell to his knees and began searching around the feet of the townsfolk. Somehow the rubbing of his hands against the floor and his murmuring of 'Where's the puzzle? Where's the puzzle?' caused a bright light to shine and a huge explosion. Yugi was thrown backwards, hit a wall, and then he knew no more. The number twenty floated over his head, and counted down to seventeen, before disappearing. A few yards over, a half-orc lay in a heap. The number fifty appeared over his head, before it counted down to forty-five and disappeared.  
  
What of our evil bishonen?  
  
"Akifia?" poke, poke, poke. "Akifia?"  
  
"Go away," Bakura mumbled as he rolled over.  
  
"Akifia, I really think you should wake up now." A familiar voice said.  
  
"Perhaps he drank too much." A low, gruff voice suggested.  
  
"I always heard albinos couldn't hold their liquor." A female voice said. Bakura shot straight up, scatter empty pints everywhere.  
  
"What are you talking about? I have a very high liquor tolerance, I'll have you – hic." He fell over again.  
  
"Sure you do Akifia, sure you do." Malik said, leaning over him.  
  
"What are you talking about, my name's Bakura. I've worked with you for a whole year, and you don't know my name?"  
  
"Funny, that's exactly what Akifia said when I tried to call him Bakura."  
  
"Who's Akifia?" Bakura asked. The bartender broke in.  
  
"Why, you're Akifia, world renowned thief." The bartender was going to say something else, but Malik cut him off.  
  
"Wait, are you the person I was just playing D&D with?"  
  
"Congratulations on your brilliant deduction, Sherlock."  
  
"Which means the rest of you are here, which means Marik's plan worked, which means we are going to be here for a very long time."  
  
"What are you talking about? What is Marik's plan?"  
  
"You heard him better than I did. Didn't he say something about talking his revenge in the Shadow Realm?"  
  
Boom, a large explosion sounded from the courtyard outside.  
  
Malik and Bakura ran out to investigate.  
  
Mai & Tea  
  
Boom, a large explosion sounded from the courtyard nearby.  
  
Mai and Tea took off in the opposite direction of the Apothecary to find out what the sound was.  
  
Our favorite foursome  
  
(get your mind out of the gutter, you perverts.)  
  
Boom, a large explosion sounded from the courtyard outside. Seto grabbed Mokuba, mounted Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix and took off towards the direction of the sound. Joey shook his fist at the retreating dragon.  
  
"Damn you rich people! Always have nice rides!" Yami was ignoring him.  
  
"If we're our D&D characters, than - " he broke off and whistled loudly. A white horse galloped up and nuzzled Yami. "Aha!" Yami cried triumphantly before riding off after the dragon. Joey stared at him.  
  
"Wait a minute, since when do sorcerers have mounts?" Then, "Hey wait a minute! Yugi!" He followed the horse, cursing.  
  
Returning to the thieves  
  
"Damn, what happened here?" Bakura said, surveying the various levels of destruction.  
  
"Oh no, is that Yugi?" Malik took off towards the prone figure. Bakura rolled his eyes and followed slowly. Malik shook Yugi gently.  
  
"Yugi? Yugi? Wake up! Yami's going to kill me if you don't!" Tea ran up panicking.  
  
"What happened? Yugi? Yugi! Wake up!" She said, shoving Malik out of the way and shaking Yugi gently.  
  
"I already tried that." Malik said. Tea ignored him, and continued shaking Yugi.  
  
"There has to be something we can do!" She cried. Mai walked up behind her.  
  
"Tea, isn't there anything in that bag of yours?"  
  
"Oh right, I forgot." She sweat-dropped, before she stopped shaking Yugi and started fishing through her bag. A minute later she held up a first-aid kit triumphantly. "I found something!"  
  
"Are you going to stop gloating and actually help the kid, or just stand there?" Bakura snapped, walking up. Tea ignored him.  
  
"Don't worry Yugi! I'll save you!" Tea cuddled Yugi for a second, before opening up the first-aid kit. Just then, a large white horse came galloping towards the little group. It reared up, and Yami dismounted gracefully.  
  
"Yugi!" He cried as his pushed everyone out of the way and took him up into his arms. "Don't die again!" He turned to the group. "Who here can heal?" Dead silence. "Don't just stand there! He may be dying! Who can heal?" Yugi's eyes fluttered open, and he reached up and pulled on one of Yami's blond streaks.  
  
"I'm alright Yami, really, I'm fine now."  
  
"Yugi! You're alright!" Yami set Yugi down carefully.  
  
"Yami, you're here! I was so worried when I couldn't find the puzzle."  
  
They looked towards the rest of the crowd, who were all pointing and staring dumbfounded, save Malik and Bakura who had wandered off towards an unconscious half-orc and were now kicking him.  
  
"How can there be two Yugi's?" Before either of them could answer, a very large dragon descended and Kaiba jumped off gracefully. Mokuba jumped and landed on his face. For the first time in his life, however, Kaiba wasn't paying attention to his little brother.  
  
"Damn your fast horse, Yugi." Kaiba snapped.  
  
"I don't have a fast horse," Yugi said innocently.  
  
"That was my horse Kaiba." Yami told him.  
  
"How is this possible? How is there possibly two Yugi's?"  
  
"That's what I was wondering, you've got some explaining to do!" Mai broke in. Joey hobbled up, and collapsed, huffing loudly.  
  
"How – huff – are – huff – there – huff – two – huff –Yugi's? –gasp."  
  
"There aren't two Yugi's. I," Yami pointed to himself, "am a completely separate person from Yugi. I was once the Pharaoh of Ancient Egypt, as I tried to tell you in the helicopter. Some misfortune befell me, and I was sealed in the Millennium Puzzle. Yugi put the puzzle together and I am now an extra personality inhabiting his body. Is that clear enough?" Tea punched her open palm with her other hand.  
  
"I knew it!" she shouted.  
  
"But how are you in two separate bodies here?" Mai asked.  
  
"Well, we don't really know that yet." Yugi said.  
  
"So you - " Joey said, pointing to Yami "while we were dueling him-" he pointed to Bakura, "What are you kicking, anyway?" Joey apparently recovered wandered over to Bakura and Malik to see what they were kicking. Joey looked on in shock and saw the number ten appear over the bodies head, and decrease to nine and then disappear. After another kick, the number nine appeared, decreased to eight, and disappeared.  
  
"Get off of him, you're going to kill him!" Tea shrieked.  
  
"So?" Bakura asked.  
  
"What's wrong with you Bakura?"  
  
"I, fortunately, am also separated from my light side. The Bakura you know is elsewhere in this world." Tea ran up, shoved the two aside, and rolled the body over. It was a very ugly, and very mangled half-orc. Fangs protruded from his lower lip, and he smelled like rotting garbage.  
  
"Ew!" she yelled, before backing away. Tristan eyes opened, and he struggled to sit up.  
  
"Tea? Is that you?" Tea screamed and hid behind Yami.  
  
"Tristan are you alright?" Yugi asked.  
  
"Tristan? First a monkey, now a half-orc? I think Tristan keeps drawing the short straw." Kaiba drawled.  
  
"That's right, you do play a half-orc, don't you?" Joey asked, helping his friend to his feet.  
  
"Yeah, and now I regret it." Tristan said.  
  
"It appears this town has prejudice against half-orcs." Yugi said. "Being a gnome, I specialize in the art of disguise. Do you think I could change him so he looks normal? I could use my spell, 'Alter Appearance' if I could remember how it went." Yugi got down on his hands and knees. "Where's the puzzle, where's the puzzle."  
  
"No! Yugi, no!" Tristan bellowed. Yugi stopped abruptly.  
  
"Well it worked last time." Yugi said sheepishly.  
  
"Yes, but we're not trying to kill anyone this time, we're trying to change my appearance." Yugi stroked his goatee thoughtfully.  
  
"Bend over Tristan, maybe if I hold my hands over your face and say the name of the spell, it will work." Tristan did as he was told, and Yugi held his hands out over Tristan's face. Blue light enveloped Tristan's face, and magically his fangs began to retreat back into his mouth and disappear. He now appeared to be a very tall human.  
  
"Your wounds still need treated, Tristan." Tea said. "Mai and I saw an Apothecary just up the street, we'll go there and get you some herbs. Then we can find our way out of this nuthouse."  
  
"I don't have time to get medicine for a sick half-orc" Kaiba snapped irritably. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix landed and turned to Kaiba.  
  
"Actually, Master, I've checked our stores, and we're running low on essential herbs. It would be a good for us to stop there."  
  
"Sweet ride." Mai said.  
  
"Excuse me, but I am not just a 'sweet ride.' I am Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix, the almighty silver dragon of doom." Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix's eyes glowed blue in the sunlight.  
  
"Am I the only one who notices that Ulhar- Ulharvaldrarigdargia – What's her name, is a white dragon with blue eyes?" Tristan said.  
  
"I think Kaiba has a bit of an obsession." Joey agreed. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix ignored them and turned to Kaiba.  
  
"Should I turn into a less noticeable form?" she said. Kaiba nodded. In an instant, where the dragon once was there was now a beautiful woman who's silver hair blew in the wind and blue eyes that twinkled. Joey's mouth fell open. Mai hit him in the gut, and he closed it.  
  
"Are we actually going to go to this Apothecary, or are we just going to stand here?" Mai asked.  
  
"We're going, we're going!" Joey said. A little ways away, Malik turned to Bakura.  
  
"I think we should go too, you never know when these things will come in handy."  
  
"Yeah. I wonder if they sell anything good there."  
  
"Not those kind of herbs you moron!" Malik hissed. And with that, our brave heroes trekked off towards the Apothecary. They arrive on its doorstep and Kaiba threw open the door. They all pushed their way in, and their noses were met with the foul smell of various herbs.  
  
"They sell the good stuff alright." Bakura said happily. Before Malik could whap him, they heard a tiny, feminine voice from behind the desk.  
  
"How may I help you?"  
  
"Oh my God!" The male members of the party said in unison.  
  
Author # 1: Well, our second cliffy, though I like this one better. This chapter's longer, so enjoy, because we worked hard on it!  
  
Author # 2: Heh heh, cliffhanger. Just so you know, Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix isn't just some random 25-letter word that we pulled out of our heads. It actually mean 'Blue Eyes, White Dragon' in draconic.  
  
Author # 1: We're nothing if not original.  
  
Author # 2: Read and Review! 


	3. In which men can't wear bunny suits

Millennium Dungeon  
  
A/N: Up to this point, we've refrained from being naughty. However, this idea came to us before chapter one was done, and we're not about to abandon it. You can skip to chapter four with out missing much. This chapter, ladies and gentlemen, is one reason why we rated this fic PG-13.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
"Oh my God!" The male party members said in unison.  
  
"What? Oh you mean this outfit?" The girl gestured at her playboy  
bunny suit.  
  
"It's not so much the outfit as the fact that you're in it, Ryou Bakura." Malik said. Bakura, meanwhile, had run outside to retch.  
  
"How did you-you know-well, how did you get the thing to fit?" Tea asked.  
  
"Well, you know how my D&D character's a girl..." Ryou said, pushing his two index fingers together. Bakura walked back in.  
  
"Man I just had the worst dream. Ryou was dressed in a- " He caught sight of Ryou and ran back outside to vomit. Ignoring Bakura, Joey walked forward.  
  
"Are those real?" He asked, pointing at Ryou's * ahem * yes.  
  
"They're picking on me!" He-She, ran into the back room and came back clinging to Marik's arm. Bakura walked back in again, caught sight of Ryou clinging to Marik, and promptly ran back out to throw-up again.  
  
"You know, we have herbs for that." Marik called after the retreating Bakura. Malik blinked.  
  
"That was out of character." Ryou's eyes widened.  
  
"Mariky, dear, why don't you go get some herbs ready for Bakura? I'm sure he'll need them." Then she shoved him towards the back room. She turned to the others. "I drugged him! He's actually been acting quiet nice lately."  
  
"Sure, nice. Real nice." Joey cracked. Ryou ignored him and walked to the other end of the room.  
  
"So, is there anything I can get you?" Tristan stepped forward.  
  
"Um, yeah. I actually only have eight HP left, and we were wondering if you had anything that could heal me."  
  
"Oh, why yes! I have here a potion of cure moderate wounds, two doses. I'll give it to you for cheap, only 6,000 GP!" Bakura had entered in time to hear that. He grabbed Ryou by the collar.  
  
"You can wear that all you want. You can switch genders all you want. You can even hang onto Marik all you want. But you are not charging us for this stuff!"  
  
"Well, I can't lower the price, even though I do know you from the real world." Ryou said, flailing madly, attempting to make Bakura release her.  
  
"With this girl's you're much too weak to fight back!" Bakura smirked. Ryou aimed a kick for Bakura's gut and missed, and Bakura feel to the floor moaning.  
  
"I think we might need a potion of cure serious wounds too," Mai cracked.  
  
"I'm going to kill you." Bakura threatened from the floor. Marik walked back in.  
  
"Hey, I'm the assassin here! Anyway, here are your herbs. What happened to you?" he asked Bakura.  
  
"A bunny bit him." Kaiba said, finally removing his hand from Mokuba's eyes.  
  
"Now Ryou, what have I told you about doing that to customers?" Marik looked at the girl.  
  
"That was way too much information." Yami said.  
  
"Can we just get the stuff for Tristan and leave?" Yugi asked.  
  
"But I have so much more to show you!" Marik said.  
  
"Let me guess, you have a whole cage of bunnies outside." Malik said.  
  
"Mokuba, outside. Now." Kaiba told his little brother.  
  
"But Seto...."  
  
"Now!" Mokuba walked outside, sulking.  
  
"That's right! You haven't met Floppsy yet!" Marik, continuing as if nothing had happened.  
  
"Floppsy? What's he call you Ryou? Fluffy?" Tristan smirked. Ryou slapped him again.  
  
"It's not like that!" He shouted at Marik, who was leaving. "Marik, they can't see Floppsy till they've paid!"  
  
"Paid, we don't have any money!" Yugi said.  
  
"Well, there has to be something you have that's worth money." Ryou said.  
  
"How 'bout this?" Joey asked, pulled a ring off one of his fingers.  
  
"Joey, you took that off the ring finger on your left hand." Ryou said.  
  
"So?"  
  
"That's either an engagement ring, or a wedding ring."  
  
"I'm gonna be married! Gross!" Tea heard Mai suppress a gag, and looked over in time to see her stuff her left hand in her pocket.  
  
"Um, Mai? What was that about?" she asked.  
  
"Well, it has to be worth something! Come on, tell me!"  
  
"I don't have the appraisal skill, Joey."  
  
"Well, Marik might have it! Call him back in here!"  
  
"I won't to tear Marik away from Floppsy."  
  
"Bad mental image." Yami said.  
  
"Great, now I have it too!"  
  
"Sorry, Yugi." Meanwhile, over in Tea's head, she was thinking hard. A nineteen suddenly appeared over her head.  
  
"Sweet, high roll for my diplomacy check!" and she leaned over to talk to Mai. "So, why'd you shove your hand in your pocket Mai?" an eighteen appeared over Mai's head, and Tea sighed in relief. Mai hadn't made her will save.  
  
"Well," Mai pulled her hand out of her pocket. "You see, I have a ring that matches Joey's." Tea couldn't stop herself.  
  
"You mean you two are engaged?!" She burst out loudly.  
  
"Not so loud Tea!" But it was too late, everyone in the shop was looking at the two of them. Joey and Mai's faces turned the same shade of crimson as they compared their rings.  
  
"Who would want to marry Mai? Not me!"  
  
"Just because we're engaged doesn't mean we love each other!" Mai snapped, before slapping Joey and storming out of the shop.  
  
"Um, where's Bakura?" Malik asked, breaking up the mini-drama that was forming.  
  
"Same place I was last time you checked. In agony."  
  
"Um, changing the subject, would you like to stay for tea?" Ryou asked.  
  
"Er, no thanks."  
  
"No, I insist. Remember how I told you that I drugged Marik? Well- " a high pitched cackle was heard from outside "- it just wore off. And I think Marik killed Floppsy!"  
  
"You mean there's a dead girl in a bunny suit outside?" Yami asked.  
  
"For crying out loud! Floppsy was Marik's pet bunny. A real rabbit! Now are you going to help me or not?!"  
  
"On second thought, just to avoid the return of the Marik we love to hate, I think we'd better stay." Malik said.  
  
"Thank you so much, I knew I could count on you. Anyway, I'll go make the tea!"  
  
Tea time!  
(Tea, not Téa) Miraculously, Ryou got everyone to sit down at the small table, (even Marik, and don't ask us how he did it) and was serving tea. Ryou placed ten cups of tea in the center of the table, careful to put two cups as close to where she and Marik would be sitting as possible.  
  
"Help yourself," she said. Marik, ignoring the cups placed directly in front of him, reached for the one furthest away. Ryou didn't notice, because he'd gone to get some food to be served with tea. Because no one wanted to go anywhere near Marik, the two cups in front of him were the last to go. Yami and Kaiba were forced to take them, because they hadn't been fast enough to grab any others. Ryou returned and sat next to Marik with a plateful of cookies.  
  
"Ryou," Marik said, "This tea tastes like crap." Ryou began to panic.  
  
"Where's my teacup? Where's that teacup? I need that tea, I need that tea!" With that she dashed off to the kitchen, and loud chugging noises could be heard.  
  
"Really? I think it's kind of good." Kaiba said, indicating his empty cup, ignoring the strange behavior of Ryou.  
  
"Me too." Yami said, fluttering his eye lashes at Kaiba.  
  
"This might be a problem, tee he!" Ryou said, bouncing back in from the kitchen.  
  
"Surprisingly, I'm going to have to agree with Marik. This tea tastes like crap." Bakura said, ignoring the strange behavior from Yami, Kaiba and Ryou.  
  
"Marik, dear, I think I got you the wrong kind of tea, tee he! Why don't you come with me into the kitchen while I get you some?" Ryou said.  
  
"Fine. It better taste better than this though."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure it will." With that, Ryou led Marik into the kitchen.  
  
"Well, that was odd." Yugi said. "Don't you agree, Yami? Yami?" Yami was in a daze, staring at Kaiba.  
  
"Kaiba, you have the most beautiful eyes."  
  
"Why do you keep calling me Kaiba? I really think you can call me Seto."  
  
"Alright, Seto."  
  
"That's just wrong..." Joey said, staring at the two. They heard a screech from out back.  
  
"Floppsy! What happened to you?! I, Marik, will go on a great quest to avenge your death!" Ryou walked back in, but heard the shouting and winced.  
  
"Oh my, I forgot to replace the dead Floppsy with a new one." She headed out towards the garden. "It's ok Marik, Floppsy's just sleeping, tee he!"  
  
"Does anyone else think he drugged the tea?" Malik asked.  
  
"Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if it got in Kaiba and Yami's tea too." Yugi said.  
  
"Walk with me in the moonlight?" Yami asked Kai-Seto.  
  
"But it's broad daylight out!"  
  
"Any excuse to be with you."  
  
"May we be excused?" Seto asked, tearing his eyes momentarily away from the object of his affection to look at the rest of the table. They nodded, unsure of what else to do. With that, Seto and Yami ran off and promptly locked themselves in the first room they could find. Ryou came back, and noticed the two empty places.  
  
"Please tell me they aren't in the broom closet, tee he!" A sigh was heard from the broom closet.  
  
"Oh Seto, it's so romantic!"  
  
"How long will this last?" Tea asked, irritated.  
  
"Well you see, tee he, both of them got the tea that was meant for me and Marik. You see, I have to drug myself, tee he, so I don't retch every time Marik puts his arm around me. They should only be like this for only an hour or so, tee he."  
  
"Thank God, because that's just really creepy." Malik said. Mokuba wondered back in.  
  
"Oh good, I was getting hungry! Hey, have you seen my brother?"  
  
"Yami? That kohl of yours really offsets your beautiful maroon eyes quiet well."  
  
"Why thank you! I wear it just for you."  
  
"What did you do to my brother? Fix him now!" The door opened, and Seto walked out of the closet, carrying Yami new bride style. As they neared the table, Seto flashed Yami a real smile, and Mokuba's heart melted.  
  
"I take it back, you cured him! He smiled again, he smiled again!"  
  
"I repeat things a lot, I repeat things a lot!" Bakura mocked Mokuba so only Malik could hear.  
  
"Well Ryou, it's been nice, but it's getting late and we really need a place to stay, so we'll be going now." Malik said.  
  
"Ok, that's fine. There's an inn across the street. Only has a few rooms though, tee he!"  
  
"Last one there has to sleep outside!" Joey cried, and was promptly trampled by his comrades. They all pushed and shoved their way to the front desk, where the innkeeper looked on at the flood of people who has invaded his tiny inn.  
  
"How many rooms do you have left, sir?" Tea shouted.  
  
"Four!" he called over everyone's head.  
  
"I think we should duke it out over the right to the rooms!" Tristan shouted.  
  
"Then you've already lost, half-orc." Bakura smirked. Yugi did a quick head count.  
  
"Wait guys, there are eight people here. We just need to pair up and we'll be fine!"  
  
"So the question is, who bunks with who?" Malik asked.  
  
"I bunk with you." Bakura said, "Just so I don't have to put up with any of the idiots. Plus, I've shared a body with you, sharing a bed can't be much different." Malik blushed slightly.  
  
"Didn't you share a body with Yami too?" Yugi asked.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"You all know who I'm going to bunk with." Seto said, as he headed off towards a room.  
  
"Wait up, big broth-" Mokuba cut off when he saw that Seto was still carrying Yami.  
  
"You know, I can walk." Yami said, "Not that I'm complaining or anything."  
  
"Dammit, I'm going to kill Ryou when I see him next." Mokuba muttered.  
  
"Ok, I guess me and Yugi are sharing a room then." Tea said, Yugi also blushing, replied.  
  
"Er, ok."  
  
"What am I? Sliced turkey?" Tristan demanded.  
  
"No, you're a half-orc and you smell worse than Joey does." Tea and Yugi went to the nearest unoccupied room, and Tristan and Mokuba found themselves alone.  
  
"Well, it looks like we're bunking together." Tristan said.  
  
"Well I get the bed, you have a bed roll, don't you?"  
  
"Fine, you little brat." And they left. The door was flung open, and a very bruised Joey walked in.  
  
"Where are they? How dare they just leave me there with Marik and Ryou! I don't think either one of them is sane. Innkeeper! Did a party of eight just come in here?"  
  
"Yep, took all the rooms."  
  
"Why I oughta'...Maybe I'll just go find Yugi or Tristan and bunk with them." As he walked down the hall, trying to pick a door, he didn't want to risk walking in on Yami and Seto in their current condition, and decided to sleep outside.  
  
A break from the semi-plot  
What on earth happened to Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix?  
  
"It's so nice of you to invite me in for tea!" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix said, sipping tea. "This tea tastes wonderful!"  
  
"I think I'll go get you two some more cookies." Ryou said, leaving Marik and Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix to their own devices.  
  
"You know Marik, I've always liked blondes better than brunettes."  
  
"Well, Uls – Ul – What was your name again?"  
  
"Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix"  
  
"Can I call you Moppsy?"  
  
"You can call me anything you want, as long as I can call you Vorel."  
  
"What's that mean?"  
  
"I'll tell you tonight."  
  
"After more tea?"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Yugi and Tea  
  
Yugi had been the gentleman, and had given Tea the bed. So he was on the hard floor, trying to find a spot that seemed less hard than the rest.  
  
"Yugi, you've been rolling around for two hours. I can't get any sleep and neither can you. Just get up here already."  
  
"If you're sure, Tea." So Yugi got into bed, and tried to scoot as far away from Tea as he could while seeming decent. Tea fell asleep, and eventually, so did Yugi, and that was all they did.  
  
Malik and Bakura  
  
Malik and Bakura stayed up all night drinking beer and telling rude stories until they passed out on the floor. If you ask us, they didn't need to hog a room.  
  
Mokuba and Tristan  
  
Mokuba got very little sleep because Tristan smelled. Tristan got very little sleep because Mokuba snored. Neither was very happy in the morning. We don't think they needed a room either.  
  
Yami and Seto  
  
We don't want to write a sex scene, so we will return to these two in the morning.  
  
Author # 1: Actually it didn't matter if Author # 1 wanted to write the sex scene or not, because Author # 1 is incapable of writing sex scenes.  
  
Author # 2: Author # 2 is proud of Author # 1 and would like to add that anyone who wanted a sex scene can go to Adult Fanfiction.net, as you won't get one here. We hope anyway.  
  
Author # 1: If you don't like yaoi, watch me care. Flames will be used to toast flamers.  
  
Author # 2: Read and Review? 


	4. In which the journy begins!

Millennium Dungeon  
  
Chapter 4  
  
The sun rose, and our heroes eventually had to do the same.  
  
A beam of light from the window near the bed that Yugi and Tea shared fell across Yugi's face uncomfortably. He yawned, and rubbed his eyes. Yugi rolled over and saw, to his surprise, that Tea was firmly attached to one of his arms. He let out a shriek and fell off the bed, and Tea fell off on top of him, still latched to his arm. Just then, the door to their room was flung open, by someone wearing only a sheet.  
  
"Yugi! Err...did I come a bad time?" Yami said, as he looked from Tea to Yugi. "Wait a minute! What happened to me last night? Why am I wearing a sheet?" A voice was heard from across the hall.  
  
"Yami! Bring back that sheet! It's the only one!" Kaiba yelled as he stumbled out into the hall, wearing a pillowcase wrapped around his waist.  
  
"No! I'm wearing it, so I get to keep it!"  
  
"Well, I found your pants, but I can't find mine, so I get the damn sheet!"  
  
"I'm not short anymore, put my damn pants on then!"  
  
"No! I want my pants, dammit! Your pants are too tight for me!"  
  
"Oh, my virgin ears." Yugi said from the floor, as he tried to rearrange Tea, as she was still asleep and draped over him in a compromising position. Yami gave him a once over.  
  
"Your virgin ears? That probably the last part off you that's virgin."  
  
"Oh yeah, well how about you and Kaiba? That's just gross!" Yugi glanced at Tea, and shoved her off. "And we didn't do anything!" Tea woke up as she hit the ground with a loud thump.  
  
"Yami? Why are you in here wearing a sheet?" Yami, stuttered, and was saved when Kaiba, who was still wearing the pillowcase, slammed open the door.  
  
"You're coming with me!" Kaiba grabbed the sheet, and dragged it off, with Yami still in it. As the two were in the hall, a third door slammed open and Bakura fell out into the hall.  
  
"Will you all shut up? It's too early in the morning for it to be this loud. I do bloody well have the most atrocious hangover." He paused. "Yami and Kaiba dressed in assorted bed coverings is not something I wanted this early either." Malik stuck his head out of the room.  
  
"What? Where?" A pause. "Oh my." Malik dragged Bakura back into their room by his ankles and slammed the door. "Lunatics!"  
  
Suddenly, at the end of the hall, a door slammed open. The innkeeper stuck his head out. "Will you stop slamming doors?" With that, he went back inside and slammed the door.  
  
Yami and Kaiba had nearly made their way across the hall when Mokuba threw open his door. "Big broth- oh, dear." With that, he hid himself back in his room. Kaiba panicked, and ran over to the door, only to find that it was locked.  
  
"No, Mokuba! It's not what you think!"  
  
"Oh, so you're ashamed of me now, are you?"  
  
"Why do you care?"  
  
"Well, I don't," Yami's gaze shifted from side to side, before returning to Kaiba. "And I'm wearing your damn sheet!" Yami stomped off into his room and slammed and locked the door. Which left Kaiba standing in the middle of the hallway, wearing only his pillowcase. And who should come walking up the stairs whistling, wearing a certain pair of pants on his head, but Joey Wheeler.  
  
"Hey guys, I slept great last night, even though you took all the rooms and made me sleep outside, and-" He broke off when he saw Kaiba, who was still standing in the middle of the hallway, glaring at Yami's door. "Oh. My. God. I guess these are yours, then?" Joey took the pants off his head, and held them out to Kaiba, who was just noticing Joey. Kaiba glared at Joey, before grabbing the pants out of his hand.  
  
"Thank you, mutt. Now get out. I need to change."  
  
"What's the matter? Yami kick you out?" Joey taunted.  
  
"I'll make you regret you ever mentioned that, you stupid Chihuahua."  
  
"Awww, what's the matter? Big bad Kaiba get dumped by his boy- friend?" The door to Yami's room slammed open, and Yami stood there, half- dressed, glaring at Joey.  
  
"Joey..." Yami said, in a voice he usually reserved for yelling at Kaiba. Joey took the hint and fled for his life. Seizing the opportunity to change, Kaiba dived past Yami into the room. Yami attempted to slam the door before Kaiba got in the room, but failed, and closed the door behind himself, leaving an empty hallway.  
  
Later  
  
Tea stepped out of her room, fully dressed, and was followed by Yugi, also fully dressed.  
  
"What an interesting morning." Tea commented. Another door opened and Tristan stepped out.  
  
"I can't believe I missed all the action." He moaned.  
  
"Believe me, you wouldn't want to see it. They aren't still out here, are they?" Mokuba came out with his eyes closed.  
  
"No, Mokuba. They're in their room," Yugi replied, before turning to their door and shouting. "Hopefully getting dressed!"  
  
The four trouped down to bar to order some coffee and some breakfast. They found Mai was already down there, nursing a very large cup of coffee, and Joey was cowering under a near-by table. He was rocking back and forth, muttering something about the voice and the pillowcase.  
  
Yugi, being short enough, looked Joey in the eye and asked him if he was ok.  
  
"No....the voice....the voice.....he used the voice....and Kaiba was wearing a pillowcase....the horror." Tea rolled her eyes, and asked if she could sit next to Mai. Mai didn't say anything, and Tea sat down next to Mai. A sparkly blue number appeared over Tea's head, a 15.  
  
"I love my diplomacy check." Tea grinned to herself. Mai, once again, failed her will save, and got a miserable seven.  
  
"Damn your diplomacy."  
  
"Now, now, it's not my fault. You should have made a character with a higher will. So, are you going to tell me everything?"  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"You shouldn't drink coffee, it makes you irritable." Just then, a door slammed upstairs, and Kaiba and Yami walked towards the staircase, glaring at each other. Yami didn't remember the stairs, as he had been carried up them last night, so he continued to glare at Kaiba and didn't notice the stairs. As he fell, he grabbed Kaiba's arm for balance, but Kaiba fell too, and the two of them rolled down the stairs and landed in a rather indecent position.  
  
"Yami, get off of me." A pause, then Yami sighed.  
  
"No, I'm comfortable."  
  
"I thought you were mad at me."  
  
"I am."  
  
"Then get off of me."  
  
"No."  
  
"Fine." Kaiba sighed. Just then, Kaiba realized that the entire tavern was staring at him and Yami. The latter of whom had closed his eyes and was nuzzling into Kaiba's chest.  
  
"What cologne do you use? You smell good."  
  
"Yami, I've never worn cologne."  
  
"Then you smell good naturally."  
  
"Yami, the entire tavern is staring at us."  
  
"Oh, are they?" Yami said, as he let out a loud sigh, finally getting comfortable.  
  
"Including Yugi."  
  
"Get off me!"  
  
"You're on me."  
  
"Heh, heh, right." The two jumped up, sweat dropping.  
  
"Oh god," Tea moaned, "can we just eat breakfast so we can get out of this town and away from that awful apothecary and its love potions!"  
  
"But we can't leave Ryou in Marik's clutches!" Yugi told her.  
  
"She seems to like it there." Bakura said from the top of the stairs.  
  
"Yeah it's all her fault that those two got messed up any ways." Tristan said, gesturing to Yami and Seto, who had just sat down.  
  
"Messed up? What do you mean, messed up?" Yami demanded.  
  
"Well, errr you know last night," Yugi replied sheepishly pushing his index fingers together.  
  
"What exactly happened last night?" Kaiba broke in.  
  
"Well, whatever it was-" Joey was cut off by a loud thump behind the group, and everyone turned to see Malik falling down the stairs. Bakura strutted gracefully down the stairs, stepped on Malik and headed towards the bar.  
  
"I want a drink," he gestured at the barkeeper. Malik stood up and brushed himself off.  
  
"I thought you 'bloody well had an atrocious hangover.' "  
  
"If you ever say that again I will cut out your tongue." Bakura threatened him.  
  
"Can we stop changing the subject?" Yami questioned, slamming his fist on the table.  
  
"What happened?" Kaiba persisted. "WellRyougaveusalltea.AndyoutwodrankthedruggedteathatwasmeantforRyouandMarik .Andthenyoutwostartedactingallloveydoveyandlockedyourselvesinthecloset.Thenw ecamehereandyoutwosharedaroomandwedon'tknowwhathappenedbutwhenIwokeupYamiwas inmyroomwearingasheetandKaibawaswearingapillowcaseandJoeyhadKaiba'spantsonhi shead." Yugi said all in one breath. Yami stared at him.  
  
"Could you repeat that, slowly?"  
  
"Well Ryou gave us all tea. And you two drank the drugged tea that was meant for Ryou and Marik. And then you two started acting all lovey-dovey and locked yourselves in the closet. Then we came here and you two shared a room and we don't know what happened, but when I woke up, Yami was in my room wearing a sheet and Kaiba was wearing a pillow case and Joey had Kaiba's pants on his head. How's that?"  
  
"Mortifying, thank you." Yami said.  
  
"I'm going to sic my dragon on Ryou." Kaiba said, then he paused.  
  
"Where is Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix?"  
  
"Who?" Tristan asked.  
  
"My dragon, you half-orc." Kaiba snapped.  
  
"What do you want for breakfast?" The innkeeper asked.  
  
"Anything but tea," Tea said.  
  
"What's cheapest?" Mokuba asked.  
  
"I'll be right back," the innkeeper grinned. He returned a few minutes later with a large loaf of stale bread covered in day old gravy. It was decided unanimously and on the spot that Ryou could cook something better than this, and they headed off to the apothecary. Mai, however, stayed at the inn and ate a breakfast that They walked across the town to the apothecary, and when they arrived, Bakura shoved his way to the front of the group.  
  
"Out of my way, I need some weed!" With that, he threw open the door, and promptly slammed it shut again. "Kaiba, I found your dragon. I'm going to go retch now." With that, the renowned thief disappeared into the bushes. From inside the apothecary the voice of Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix was heard.  
  
"Oh Vorel, I think I need to get dressed. Last night was wonderful, but I really must go find Master now." Kaiba's eyes went wide.  
  
"And I'm supposed to ride her-" he broke off. "Oh God, that sounds nasty." Malik covered his eyes with one of his hands.  
  
"Thank Ra we have separate bodies." Mokuba and Yugi covered their ears and wailed together.  
  
"Our virgin ears!"  
  
"It's sad," Tristan commented. "Marik gets more action than I do." Tea pushed him over.  
  
"That should be long enough for Ulha – Ulho – Kaiba's dragon to get dressed. Come on, I'm starving." Tea shoved open the door. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix threw her half-dressed self on Kaiba.  
  
"Master! I missed you!" Yami glared at the dragon, who continued to chatter on happily. "I told Marik that I had a tattoo, and he really wanted to see it, and then I wanted to see his and...." The back door opened, and Ryou walked in the room, wearing only a sheet. Kaiba and Yami buried their head in their hands.  
  
"It's the deja-vu from hell." Kaiba moaned.  
  
"Marik, where are my clothes?"  
  
"Oh, you mean these?" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix said, "I'm sorry, they were just so cute I had to borrow them."  
  
"Did you? Well, can I have them back?" Ryou asked.  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Please?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Marik, make her give them back to me!"  
  
"You can wear that."  
  
"It's a sheet, Marik."  
  
"I know."  
  
"My God, I'm surrounded by perverts." Ryou moaned.  
  
"Anyway Ryou, we came because we were hoping you could make us breakfast." Tea interrupted.  
  
"I'm sorry, Tea, I don't have that skill, but Marik does."  
  
"You mean we're going to be eating food prepared that psycho with bad hair?" Joey said, pointing accusingly at Marik.  
  
"Now, now little Joey, you can either eat my cooking or eat the bread and gravy at the inn." Marik chirped.  
  
"I'll eat your cooking, but just barely." Joey grumbled. A vein popped on Marik's face as he smirked evilly.  
  
"I'll go catch breakfast."  
  
"Um, I-I think I'll go make the tea." Ryou stuttered, before dashing off into the kitchen. Marik was heard from the back yard.  
  
"Die Floppsy! Die, die!" A huge drop of blood hit the window and dripped down. Ryou entered again, after having put the water on to boil. "That blood's going to take forever to get off the wall."  
  
"A little salt and vinegar will make it come off just fine." Bakura drawled from near the door.  
  
"I never want to know how you know that." Ryou said. As Bakura smirked, she emphasized. "Never." Marik entered, holding the dead rabbit by its ear in one hand and a bloody butcher knife in the other. He was wearing a frilly pink apron that said 'kiss the cook' which was also covered in blood.  
  
"Breakfast will be ready in a moment....heh heh heh..." he left, still giggling madly.  
  
"I have to say Ryou, what ever stuff you put in the tea wears off awfully fast." Malik said.  
  
"Thank God." Kaiba said as Yami glared at him.  
  
"About that, I'm really sorry you two ended up with that tea...especially since I'm running rather low..." Ryou worried, turning to go and check on Marik. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix had tears streaming from her eyes.  
  
"How could he do that? That poor, innocent bunny!" She sobbed into Kaiba's shirt. Marik emerged from the kitchen, cackling.  
  
"Breakfast is served." Ryou came bounding out behind him. "And the tea is ready!" She turned to Marik.  
  
"Drink this."  
  
"No."  
  
"Drink it!"  
  
"No!" Ryou grabbed to pressure points on Marik's cheeks, forcing him to open his mouth, and she shoved the tea down his throat. Marik closed his mouth with a silly grin and sat down humming.  
  
"Let's go eat, shall we?" Bakura said, as he led the way to the smoking kitchen. As they entered the kitchen, Marik stopped dead in his tracks, causing the people who were behind him to collide.  
  
"My bunny!" Marik wailed, pointing to the table. In the center of said table sat Floppsy # 829, who had been shaved, cooked, marinated and had an apple in its mouth. Unfortunately, it was still in one piece and retained its fluffy, white tail. Marik sank down on the floor, sobbing. Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix sat down next to him in an attempt to calm him, but only ended up crying herself. Everyone else was eating the rabbit, except for Bakura, who was mixing up the herbs, and Kaiba, who was looking for seasonings to put on his part of the rabbit. Bakura was digging in the perfectly neat and organized shelves, and rearranging everything so nothing was labeled correctly anymore. He paused for a moment, and held up a jar triumphantly.  
  
"I found it!" He cried. Kaiba looked up from his own search to look at the thief.  
  
"Found what?"  
  
"Can't you read?" Bakura shoved the jar under his nose, and Kaiba could see 'Marik's Tea' scrawled across the front of the jar in curly-Q cursive. Kaiba snatched the jar from Bakura's hands.  
  
"Give me that!" Kaiba snapped, cradling the jar that was already in his possession.  
  
"Why do you want it so badly?"  
  
"None of your damn business."  
  
"Aww...the billionaire's sweet on the pharaoh." Bakura mocked in a singsong voice.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"And if I don't want to?"  
  
"I'll cut your tongue out."  
  
"That's my threat."  
  
"Well, it works in the situation."  
  
"Fine I'll let you have your happy little romance. It will be...amusing."  
  
"Don't tell anyone."  
  
"Don't worry, I won't." Bakura smirked. The two went back to the table, and Kaiba sat down next to Yami.  
  
"Look, Yami! What's that over there?" Kaiba pointed. Yami's head whipped around to look in that direction. Kaiba took a pinch of the herb and dropped it into Yami's cup.  
  
"What? Where?" Yami asked.  
  
"Oh, you must have missed it."  
  
"Missed what?"  
  
"I have no idea." Yami stared at Kaiba, but returned to his dinner, and to his tea. No one else at the table seemed to notice anything, except for Mokuba who had watched Kaiba's every move. So when Kaiba went to put the rest of the herb into his own tea, Mokuba's foot 'accidentally' hit the table, causing Kaiba's tea to go everywhere. Kaiba cursed under his breath and Mokuba shrugged a silent apology. Meanwhile, it appeared that Yami had been ravenously hungry, as all his tea and rabbit were gone. Yami was clutching, Kaiba's arm possessively, and glaring and everyone as if to say 'He's mine dammit, get your own.'  
  
"You did it again, didn't you, Ryou?" Yugi asked.  
  
"It wasn't me, I swear!" Ryou defended herself, and Bakura burst out laughing. Ryou turning to her dark side, looking uncharacteristically angry.  
  
"It was you, wasn't it!" she accused.  
  
"I had absolutely nothing to do with this! Well, maybe a little bit, but that's beside the point!" Joey, ignoring Bakura's comment spoke up.  
  
"Well, at least Kaiba didn't have any this time."  
  
"How can you tell?" Tea asked him.  
  
"'Cause he's acting normal! Look at him, all cold-hearted, not returning Yami's hug."  
  
"Well, would you want to hug him?" Kaiba snapped. "I mean, it's not like I gave him the potion!" Mokuba face-faulted, and Bakura's drink came out of his nose. Yami's eyes became huge, more reminiscent of Yugi than of himself, and he started to cry.  
  
"You don't love me!" He wailed.  
  
"O-of course not!" Kaiba stuttered, while trying to shove Yami off of his arm.  
  
"Bakura? Mokuba? What are you two laughing at?" Tea asked.  
  
"I wasn't laughing! I choked on my-er-rabbit."  
  
"You're eating my bunny!" Marik wailed.  
"Oh! The inhumanity!" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix cried.  
  
"For Ra's sake this is going nowhere! Forget the stupid potion, it will wear off eventually! Let's just all get out of here before Marik returns to normal and kills everybody!" Malik shouted, slamming his fist onto the table.  
  
"You're going to leave me here with him?" Ryou cried.  
  
"You could come with us, you know." Malik said.  
  
"Wearing this?" Ryou said, reminding everyone that she was just wearing a sheet.  
  
"You know, Ryou, you really are starting to act like a girl. And because of that stupid tea of yours, Kaiba went out it public wearing only a pillowcase. I'm sure you can manage with a sheet." Bakura said, having recovered from his laughing fit.  
  
"Yeah, a sheet's a lot bigger than a pillow case." Joey spoke up.  
  
"Thank you Joey, that was so helpful." Ryou snapped.  
  
"You're welcome." He said, completely missing the sarcasm.  
  
"Don't worry, Ryou, we can go clothes shopping!" Tea chirped happily.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGaspOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOooo!!!!!!!!" Ryou grabbed the table leg and hung onto it for dear life.  
  
After breakfast, Tea went out and bought Ryou an entertainer's outfit at the local 'Adventurer's Mart' for 10GP. The group decided that it was about time they got out of this village and actually did some adventuring. Ryou remembered that she had the class feature 'Bardic Knowledge,' being a bard, and decided to use that to decide what they should go quest for.  
  
"Now that I'm thinking about it, I seem to remember a book that recorded all my Bardic Knowledge." Ryou said, before she went to the back room to fetch it. She returned with a book entitled 'Beginning Adventurer's Guide to Items to Quest for.'  
  
"What are we going to quest for?" Tea asked.  
  
"Well, according to this, the hot new item to quest for is the....well, it doesn't actually say, because we're not supposed to know yet, but it gives a description of its properties."  
  
"Well, what are its 'properties?'" Bakura drawled.  
  
"Well, according to this book, this item was created by Duke Devlin for a tournament, and who ever find this item wins the tournament!"  
  
"Devlin, why does that name sound familiar?" Tea asked.  
  
"Because he's the guy who created the tournament that got us stuck here in the first place!" Tristan cried.  
  
"I remember him! But why couldn't I remember him before?" Tea said, looking frightened.  
  
"I have a theory." Malik ventured.  
  
"Spit it out." Kaiba snapped, walking over to the group, and dragging Yami, who was clinging to his ankle.  
  
"Well, when I first arrived, Bakura was a completely different person, one who went by the name of Akifia. I think that was his D&D character, and the longer we stay in this place, the more like our D&D characters we will become."  
  
"So that's why I'm acting more girly!" Ryou said.  
  
"Not only that, Bakura wasn't always a drug addict. And, despite the fact he's still a killer, Marik's acting a lot better than normal, even without his tea. Marik was here for a long time, and would naturally start to change before us. Ryou was also here longer than we were, as Bakura had the body for a day or so before the tournament. The reason Bakura's changing as well may be his link to his hikari, which means that I'll be the next to change." Stunned silence followed.  
  
"Wow, Malik has a brain in his head after all!" Joey said.  
  
"He's not just a dumb blond!" Tristan agreed. Joey glared at his friend.  
  
"It's platinum!" Malik defended, clutching a fist full of his hair.  
  
"I believe the phrase is platinum blond." Kaiba said. Yugi ignored their bickering.  
  
"We should split up into groups, so we can find the item faster. Once we do, we have a better shot at getting out of here."  
  
"Great idea, but how are we going to sort the groups?" Tea asked.  
  
"Well, I'm going with my big brother." Mokuba said, hanging on to Kaiba's arm  
"Well, I'm...going with your big brother too!" Yami said, still clutching Kaiba's leg.  
  
"My Kaiba, you sure are popular." Joey said.  
  
"I don't see anyone jumping to be in your party, you mutt."  
  
"Tristan's going with me. Aren't you, buddy?"  
  
"Yeah, sure I am."  
  
"Lord knows your group need someone responsible," Tea said, indicating Kaiba's group.  
  
"Ok, I'll go with them!" Yugi piped up.  
  
'Dammit.' Tea thought, before turning to the remaining people. "I'm either stuck with the psychopaths or the smelly people. Thank God they make nose plugs. They do make nose plugs, don't they?"  
  
"Actually, Tea, I don't think nose plugs have been invented yet." Ryou said, trying to be helpful.  
  
"Dude! I could invent nose plugs!" Joey shouted.  
  
"Which leaves the rest of us to be in a group." Malik said, happily slinging an arm around his comrades.  
  
"The rest of you are screwed." Bakura said. "You're trying to do dungeon hunting without a thief...I mean a rogue."  
  
"Well, when faced with decision of facing traps or stuck with you I'll take the traps." Joey snapped.  
  
"Oh, you wound me." Bakura placed his hands over his heart. "I'm bleeding," he held out his hands. "don't you see I'm – Dude, I'm bleeding!"  
  
"Bakura? I think you're stoned." Malik said.  
  
"I'm bleeding!" Ryou ignored him, and went to the wall to pull down a map.  
  
"If we're here," she said, pointing to a spot on the map, "then one of out parties should go to the capitol, Leukish, and try and find information. Another group can go to this port town, Oldred, and try to find information about shipments overseas. The last group can go to Oldred as well, and catch a boat to the ruins of Chathold and do basic dungeoning. Any questions?"  
"Just one, where are we now?" Tristan asked.  
  
"Why, Beetu, silly."  
  
"Of course, silly me." Tristan rolled his eyes.  
  
"Now, which group goes where?" Ryou asked.  
  
"I say our group goes to the capitol." Bakura said, sneaking a wink at Malik.  
  
"We should go to Oldred, but leave the dungeoning to our smashup group." Yugi said.  
  
"Is that fine with everyone?" Ryou asked. General agreement was heard.  
  
"You're leaving me!" Marik cried, suddenly getting to his feet, "First you eat my bunny, now you're leaving me all alone!"  
  
"Now, Now, I'll never leave you alone!" Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix said.  
  
"Oh yes you will, I need a ride. You don't expect me to walk, do you?" Kaiba said.  
  
"You could share my horse." Yami offered. Kaiba almost took him up on the offer before Yugi and Mokuba broke in.  
  
"What about us?" Yugi and Mokuba said at the same time.  
  
"Right, well, Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix, you'll just have to come. Mokuba will ride with me, and Yugi can ride with Yami."  
  
"But I want to ride the dragon!" Yugi said, "No offense, Yami."  
  
"None taken, but does this mean I'll be alone?" Yami began to sniffle. Before anyone knew when had happened, Marik and Yami were hugging each other, wailing: "We're all alone!" It took them a moment, but then they realized exactly who they were latched onto and they shoved each other away.  
  
"I think it's time we set off." Joey said, and everyone else nodded.  
  
And so it was with light hearts and heavy gear that our adventurers set off on their journey at last.  
  
Author # 1: First, this is our longest chapter ever, second, I'm rather proud of our excuse for people to be out of character, third, those towns were actually all there on the D&D map we have of the Flanaess, fourthly, we were trying to set a record for the most times the word pillowcase was used in a single chapter of a fic, fifthly, Ulharsaurivaussirdarastix looks almost exactly like Kisara does, sixthly, I'm trying to go for the longest single sentence author's note, and seventhly, I don't think I left anything for author number two to say.  
  
Author # 2: She lies. I have a random tidbit of information for you all. Duke's Japanese first name, Ryuuji mean fashion/style and Otogi mean fairy tale. Thus, Duke Devlin's Japanese name means fashionable fairy tale. 


End file.
